Friday, February 6, 2009

Update on the Home-front and Mysteries Unknown

Well, we are moving to higher ground, I think. I have been cleaning up my act, and have been on my p's and q's. Ashunoah has noticed a world of difference and has been praising me, much to my delight. Ever since he had "the talk" with me, I've been really diligent about working on those areas that needed improvement, and he has taken significant notice. Not only that, but he's been surprisingly supportive about the headcovering issue. He still may not understand it fully, but doesn't complain, so long as his needs are met. I'm learning new things (every day, it seems!), and one of the things I think I'm learning is that sometimes (not in every situation, though) our husbands want to be first. Right at the very top. They want to be right up there with God. When we go on and on about covering our heads, sometimes it may seem to our hubbies that the headcovering is more important that they are. They sometimes end up wishing that they could get the special attention that the headcovering is getting. Again, this is not a fast and hard rule, but I think that if our hubbies feel like they are in the number one spot, and they are getting all of their needs met in every area (for us that means going an extra mile or two with regard to our care of them), they maybe couldn't care less if we undertood headcovering, skydiving or fly-fishing. So long as they are happy in every area, many times they are as compliant as can be. That's at least one observation I've made.

Here's another. Often times I think people are less concerned about what our headcovering says about us than they are about what it says about them. Though we aren't saying it (I know we aren't...we aren't those women), I think people are worried that we are somehow more spiritual than they. They might reason that if we feel called to something spiritual that they have no inkling or desire to learn about, that maybe we are somehow more in tune with spiritual things than they are. Like maybe we have a special connection with God, or something. If they deny our headcoverings, they deny that anything is amiss in their own relationship with God. If we don't cover, it means they are okay. There's nothing that they need to change.

This is a bold comparison (forgive me), but check it:

woman to husband: "Honey, I've been feeling that the Lord has called me to do such and so. He showed me in a dream that once I do this thing, we will prosper financially such as never before. I really feel this strong impression to do it. We've nothing to lose, and He showed me that not only would we be financially prosperous, but that our family will be closer than ever. What should I do?"

husband: Well, so long as it's not sin and we have nothing to lose, what's the harm in trying? And since you feel so strongly led, why not follow through? Besides, this could be a real answer to prayer for us.

Please don't hear me wrong on this. I'm not saying that our husbands or our friends would necessarily be okay with everything else besides our own spiritual (re)awakenings. But what, after all, does our headcovering have to do with them? "Nothing." They might be inclined to say. To be sure, my husband was speaking from his heart when he said he felt my headcovering was all about me and for me. He felt it had nothing to do with him, and he wasn't happy about it. I think when our headcovering spills over in areas that include our hubbies and friends, maybe (not always) they will take more interest. Often (as in the above example), they are more excited about something worldly for us/them, than they are about something spiritual. They might not even need to "pray" about; they answer yes flat out! But when it comes to something spiritual, to something so small as a piece of cloth on our heads, folks get bent outta shape and are all up in arms about it. Sometimes friends stand there ready to tell you what is wrong about it. People congratulate you when you've just won a million dollars or you just got a big promotion that will now give you a six figure salary. But when you tell them you feel called to place a little cotton or lace on your head, they walk away and shake their heads. They feel sorry for you.

And as always, dear ones...press on in the journey. For some strange reason, I feel like we are meant to be right where we are.

Grace!
M

6 comments:

Rosheeda said...

This post is so on time. We have one of those issues goin on right now, not in regards to head-covering, but in regards to my work situation. My job is crazy and he is unhappy about it for real - and has been. And in a conversation yesterday morning he finally told me basically that me being here still, knowing the plans we've started making, is selfish and all about me.

Girl it took all i had to bite my tongue - because i know in my heart that, because this situation is so unorthodox, it would give ANY body pause and I have to respect that. But the fact is, in this instance, I have to just deal w/his frustration until the Lord sees fit to open his heart (IF He sees fit to do so). And that's ok. Because as much as I love him and as much as I want to see our plans come together, I have to know that we've done it the Lord's way... Obedience is better than sacrifice, and even when the fellas feel like this is all about us, it isn't. It's always about the 'we' of it all - because what we do has a very real effect on them and an impact to their hearts & spirits.

I think a lot of times when the Lord calls us to move in a way that ostracizes us from our people, He is really saying 'Who do you love more, Me or your person?' He really is a jealous God. But He is also a worthy God.

I think He systematically strips us of our pride so that we are able to focus on things of eternal worth, the first being our relationship with the Father. Because then all the rest is kept in the proper perspective and we learn to be trustworthy to have the things we deeply desire on a natural level.

just my thoughts, M.

ro

Muhala Akamau said...

Ro,
Yes...well said, indeed. You know I'm gonna come back, right, and ask for a full quote? Hold onto those thoughts...I definitely want to use them. Boys are callin'...gotta run!

A Covered Sister said...

Sister, your testimony is my current testimony. What an encouragement - THANK YOU! From one natural, covered sista to another!

cm said...

The hubby stuff is troubling to me,really. I am unmarried headcoverer,but I've been married before,and,the "as long as he's happy he's okay" sounds eerily reminiscent to me of someone who does not know how to put their spouses' needs ahead of their own,and is instead a little boy that plays tit for tat-as long as he's happy he's okay,but if not he hollers and screams.Forgive me if I've offended anyone,that isn't my intent.I just read this and wonder if there are any men who do know how to serve and truly give of themselves.

Blessings,
Mary

Muhala Akamau said...

CM,
I'm not at all offended, and I definitely hear your heart on this. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel this way at various points in marriage. But often, it's a never-ending quest when we try to change people. No amount of nagging, one-upping, or "tellin' it to him like it is" will change a man (or anyone else) if he's not ready, or doesn't want to be changed. Selfish? Maybe. Spiritually immature in some areas? Likely. But what will blaming, resentment and bitterness get me in my desire for purity and reverence in Christ? Serving others who may not necessarily feel like serving us is what makes us Christians, and most like Christ. That's where I long to be. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you'll come again.

Grace!
M

cm said...

Muhala,
You're definitely right about not being able to change others. I think a lot of women,including myself, have gotten caught up in doing that,instead of simply following Christ.
At least you have the humility to know that you can't change anyone,but yourself. I guess we can always pray for recalcitrant hubbies,but the challenging part is to pray for their sakes and not our own.

Blessings,
Mary