Friday, November 7, 2008

Trouble in Paradise

It appears I've overestimated Ashunoah's acceptance of the headcovering. The other night he confessed that he's tired of the wrap. I later asked what he thought about me varying the creative with the types of coverings I choose. He said he just doesn't like it, and finds me more attractive with no covering at all. I told him I appreciate his honesty, which I do. I really want to know how he feels about it all; at least I know what I'm dealing with. I printed off some helpful headcovering information I'd found, with reasons, myths and further explanations (biblically speaking) and handed it to him to look over. He put it in his Bible, so it appears he plans to read it at some point.

If I had to guess, I'd say in general he's displeased with headcovering, and doesn't think it's necessary or important for's a minor issue. The packet of information I'd given him to read over biblically spoke to these concerns, and hubby tends to be reason-centered, so maybe this will help him better understand things. Maybe, maybe not. It's just not a culturally accepted practice within the church today, and so I think we've been sort of made not to think about it. I know that was definitely the case with me up till a couple of weeks ago. I really don't blame him for feeling the way he does. What if the tables were turned? I may feel the same way. Sure, if he wanted to follow something he felt was biblical and it was a practice that ushered him into deeper obedience to the Lord, growth in holiness and humility, and was a symbol of his devotion to God, I might be okay with it, but I'd probably be pretty uncomfortable with something so new that's not talked about much in the church. He said he'd been praying about it, and really hasn't felt God speaking anything in particular to him about it. So yes, though, I'm disappointed and a little hurt, I'm not angry with him about it. Neither am I turning around and going back on this thing. Now that I've made the decision and commitment, I can only go forward. I know my decision to do this will be terribly unpopular in current culture, in general, and in our church culture, specifically. One day, in our Sunday school class, we were asked to make a statement about our spouse...say something that others might not know about our spouse. Ashunoah said something memorable about me that really moved me, but others didn't think was a big deal. He said, "Everything that she's ever done, anything meaningful, anything she's ever done well or has been successful at are things that have been counter cultural."


Well, onward I go. Here's how I dissect this thing: I'm not mad at Ashunoah, and I refuse to let bitterness and unforgiveness wrap themselves around me or infiltrate my walk. Sure, I'm sad and disappointed that he doesn't like to see my head covered, but I will submit to his authority. I will wear the headcovering as often as I can get away with. This morning, I got up early, got dressed and styled my hair. He made mention about how nice I looked today. I felt naked and sad without my headcovering, but I didn't let it show much. I was pleasant and agreeable. When he left the house for work, I put my headcovering back on. It will be on all day, till he comes home from work, then I'll take it back off. At home, while praying, I'll cover as much as I'm able to do without causing problems. I don't think he'll object to this. We talked about a compromise like this, but yesterday he got home unexpectedly early, and I still had it on. I apologized and he said it was okay.

So...that may be the way it has to be for a while. Still not sure what I will do about church, as hubby likes me to show my hair when we are out together. I have to pray and trust that God knows what's going on in this situation and will change things as He sees fit.

Unmarried women...take notice. If you have a desire to cover, be sure your future spouse upholds this and plans to fully support you in this. Otherwise, you might end up a 'part-time coverer', and you might not be able to devote your best efforts to this practice. Anyone, please feel free to email me if you have questions or advice. I'm still a real newbie to this thing, but committed to it. I could also use your prayers!

Enjoy your weekend, beloved...



Rosheeda said...

I've gotta tell you that this has crossed my mind on many occasions.

For one, I feel more and more that I need to begin praying in a more holy fashion, if that makes any sense. Covering during prayer is one of those things. I find that I most often want to be in the posture of kneeled and with SOMETHING over my head. I want to be alone, in the dark and the silence and prostrate - as low as I can get to reflect humility and submission.

My hair is long and thick. One of the first things I did as started to mature was to grow it out and get rid of the relaxer. It is as long now as it ever was before and I think beautiful in it's natural state. My sweetheart didn't like it at firt - he tried, but he just didn't like it. But as he's gotten used to it, he loves the texture and the variety it allows. He's a man who needs a lot of variety or he's easily bored - and distracted. So, I've worn braids, I've worn twists, I wear it pulled up and back in a ponytail in it's unaltered state and I press it.

I tend to think of covering as anything OTHER THAN your own locks showing - and this is probably because of where my love is spiritually - it would be too much right now for him to be okay with it.

However, all that said, walking with Him in truth is the most counter-cultural thing you can do. I'll share with you what the Lord has shared with me as He makes me ready to be a wife to His son: Honor him and obey Me. The two are not mutually exclusive. I will give you a way to do both and the wisdom to know when that way has been presented.

Everybody's journey is different with Him and to really know Him; that's ok. It will be awkward at best sometimes,even with those we love the most. And that's ok too. Because love will be the driving force in their response (if your husband is the man I'm sure he is.) :0)

There are many things H does not grasp about my spritual life or my ways, but he accepts that for whatever reason, they are important to me and he respects it. There have been times when we have had tension because of it, but the Lord simply works it so that it isn't a constant source of hurt between us. And in turn, I honor as much of what he asks of me as I can without compromising the truth of my faith.

It may be uncomfortable, but be assured that if God has called you to this drastic a change, He has His reasons and He will make it work to your good and His glory.

Muhala Akamau said...

The photo above reflects the way I was feeling this morning when I wrote this post. Now I don't feel so grim; you've gone far beyond an adequate post, and you've ministered to my heart with your words. I think you sometimes say better than I the words that are floating around in my head, and even some of those that have found their way to paper. I know you feel me on this, and that's why I wasn't surprised about your wanting to follow along on this blog --- I expected this more from you than from any of my other faithful T&T readers. I think that speaks to the caliber of woman you are. I can tell you are a faithful child of God...your blog gives you away (!), and it is SO good to find such beautiful evidence in this day and age. Thank you so much for being you, and for blessing me so much today. Have a good weekend. I hope your honey knows what a gem he has in you (Tell him I said so!)

God's grace,

Monica said...

Thank you for posting a comment on my blog!

I was very blessed to read of your desire to obey the Lord in covering your head and dressing modestly. Yes, the way of obedience to the Lord is so completely different to society today - to follow in this Way we need to turn around and go against the current. But it's the only way to eternal life! And our Father's commands are not grievous - they are for our GOOD always, even when we don't understand why, and it seems foolish to many around us.

I just want to encourage you to submit to your husband, in this issue and others. Pray that he will understand and give you permission to cover all the time, and meanwhile, submit and please him by uncovering your head when he is around (since he apparently doesn't mind if you are covered other times). The Lord can work marvelously on our behalf, when we are simply willing to submit to our husband in every thing, as He has commanded.

Submission is one of the hardest things for a wife, but so much depends upon that - whether our home will stand or fall. I am constantly working with this, and seems when I have victory in one area, the Lord shows me another place where I need to be more submissive :) And that's a blessing, because that's the way to grow!

God bless you as you continue to seek His will and obey - He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him!

Love and prayers, Monica

Muhala Akamau said...

Monica, dear one:
One of the ways I know God's hand is in this is because of the tremendous support I've received from women like you and Ro. What a blessing and needed encouragement this is to my soul! Another reason I see God's hand in this is because my sisters and I are ALL on the same accord: submit to your husband, do what you can to honor God and God will take care of the rest. I firmly believe this and putting it into practice has made all the difference in how I was feeling yesterday as opposed to today. Today I'm accepting of things as they are, but comforted and encouraged and all the more resolved to keep covering as much as I can when hubby is not around. Then yesterday it hit me what you and Ro said: I realized that when I don't cover my head (when hubby is around), I'm showing my submission to hubby and am honoring him. When hubby is not around, I cover as a means of showing my submission to the Lord and am honoring Him. It all comes together beautifully --- even if things aren't fully as I'd like them to be. I am thankful! I have much to rejoice about! I thank you for partaking with me in this journey. I need you and sisters like you SO much.

God's grace,

Azalea Lilac said...

Hello, I was glad to read your comment. I came over to read and was so blessed and encouraged by what you have written! God be with you on your journey. Do not be discouraged but trusting God to work His Will. I too encourage you to do what your husband is asking, that is our safe and secure place - to be in obedience. I will be praying for you.

Transformed said...

Thanks for your comment--the encouragement was wonderful. Many people think we are a bit nuts, but Jesus was accused of that too. Keep pursuing the Lord in Spirit and in Truth.

Anonymous said...

When God started open my eyes about covering, my husband thought that covering is irrelevant but he wasn't against it. With time God opened his eyes too. Now he likes very much when he see me covered. Blessings.

Muhala Akamau said...

It's a joy to have you here. Thank you for your prayers...they availeth much!

Yes, we are in good company, aren't we? I really liked your blog and I'll be visiting again soon. Thanks for the visit and the encouraging words!

What comforting words! It's amazing what God can work both in our hearts and in the hearts of our hubbies! I keep pressing forward to trust God on every level in this journey. Thank you for your encouragement!

light and good order said...

M, I'm loving your blog.

Just catching up after a few days away and read this post ... FWIW, my husband, who isn't Christian (yet?) has mixed feelings about my covering. I usually don't cover at home when I'm with him and when we go out I'm often able to find a covering that we're both pleased with -- that is, I'll cover the top of my head, but not all of my hair and he likes that.

You're approaching this just the right way.

God's grace,

Muhala Akamau said...

Your encouragement means so much --- thank you! You know, I've become quite a fan of your blog, as well! It was one of the first covering blogs I found, so you'll be seeing me hanging around your neck of the woods often!